Mental Health

Hello there!

Today is going to be a very different post, and it may or may not be your cup of tea, but I feel like my blog is somewhere that I can open up and express myself and a little safe place for me and you as well. It doesn't matter if you have never been on my blog before or if you have read lots of my posts, I still like to think of you as someone I can talk to.

For at least 5 or 6 years now, I have dealt with a whole range of mental health disorders. I have social and generalised anxiety, depression and on occasion panic attacks. I know, I know, yet another person sharing their anxiety story, but if you aren't interested it's fine, but I just want to let people know that I'm not just some machine that reviews things and has no emotion. I hope that I can be here for any of you and that you can be here for me too. In the future I might make individual posts about the different things I deal with, but for now here's a quick overview.

My Social Anxiety

For a long time I had awful social anxiety. I would avoid public speaking like the plague, I would have immense trouble ordering food or paying for things on my own, and I still do to some degree. I don't have many friends, because I find it hard having something to say to people I don't know. I have learned to live with it in some aspects, and I personally think that's the best way to go about it. I know how embarrassing it is to be shaking in front of a room of people staring at you, or yawning during your speech, but the only way to feel good about the situation is to power on and get through it as best you can. Who is really going to remember or care? No one worth knowing is the answer.

My Generalised Anxiety and Panic Disorder

I am a very tightly wound person, and this means I'm basically stressed about the past, present and future nearly all the time, which is unhealthy and it means I deal with insomnia and panic attacks. Sometimes I will be lying awake at night because I can't decide what to wear to an event or party for example. I feel as though my anxiety is quite time based if that makes any sense. I'm always having to plan the exact time I need to do X so I can do Y so I can get to Z and a certain time, and I spend forever doing this and recalculating what I need to be doing. This also adds to my insomnia as I am always telling myself I need to sleep at a certain time so I can wake up at a certain time, and it's a vicious cycle. Anxiety is different from person to person, but it never hurts to have sympathy and compassion for others who suffer with it, especially if they are prone to having panic attacks.

My Depression

Depression in my life changes on a day to day basis. Some days I will wake up and feel like going out into the world and experiencing new things and being around people, and other days I want to sleep the whole day away and never speak to anyone ever again. If you ever feel isolated like I tend to when I'm depressed, never hesitate to seek help, and if you aren't comfortable seeking it from people around you, you need to know there are people who are employed to help you. Personally, because I have social anxiety, I find it hard expressing my feelings over the phone, so I use the beyondblue emailing service and they kindly give good self help advice as well as the steps you can take to see someone professional. You are never alone, and even if you don't feel like it, someone out there would miss you like hell if you were gone.

So there's just a quick and simple overview of what I deal with, unfortunately these issues are quite a large part of my life, but I find so much comfort in putting my mind to things like this blog. I encourage you to find something you love doing, or perhaps start a blog. It doesn't matter who sees, it doesn't matter what it's about, but as long as it takes you mind off the bad situation it's worth it.

Au Revoir!

Zoe.x